I’m going to preface this with a disclaimer. I am not a fan of the WWE. At least, not anymore.
I used to love it as a kid and I can still recall, with a distinct fondness, the days when I could blur the line between fantasy and reality. When I could truly believe in what I was watching. With age, came the realization that it wasn’t a real fight, but rather a live stunt show of sorts; unquestionably impressive, but scripted all the same.
Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Mankind. These were the guys I grew up on and these were the guys that captured the imagination of a 10 year old Nick Rizner. But during that time, I had never ordered a pay-per-view. When you’re that young, there’s little difference between the weekly shows and the marquee events, and my parents were fiscally responsible enough to keep me in the dark.
It’s now been about 15 years since I last watched wrestling. I don’t know the current story lines. I don’t know alliances or rivalries or half the fighters on the roster. But today, I’m going to watch WrestleMania. And through my limited scope of ignorance, I’m going to live tweet the entire event.
Now I’m not completely ignorant. Seemingly half the fighters on this card are either throwback wrestlers or big names that have somehow crept into my brain throughout the years.
This should be fun. Action kicks off at 5pm ET. Follow us and join in on the conversation. Get your live results below:
WrestleMania 33 (pay-per-view)
Roman Reigns def. The Undertaker in the worst match I’ve ever seen.
Naomi wins via ELECTRIC entrance. Also, she got a submission or something. (Smackdown Women’s Championship)
Brock Lesnar def. Goldberg via the same move over and over again (Universal Championship)
Randy Orton def. Bray Wyatt. I don’t even know how to explain that one? (WWE Championship)
Seth Rollins def. Triple H with the best match ending of the night. Touche WWE.
John Cena and Nikki Bella def. The Miz and Maryse via double-double finishing move
The Hardy Boyz surprise everyone and win the ladders match. Pumped. (Tag Team Championship)
Bayley beats a giant, a boss, and the offspring of wrestling royalty (Raw Women’s Championship)
Kevin Owens def. some guy who’s not his best friend, Chris Jericho (United States Championship)
AJ Styles def. Shane McMahon but 47 year old Shane did a blackflip (so also kind of wins)
Dean Ambrose aka Wild Bill from Green Mile def. Baron Corbin (Intercontinental Championship)
Mojo Rawley wins via Rob Gronkowski Tackle (Battle Royal)
Neville def. Austin Aries via sneaky eye gouge and pinfall (Cruiserweight Championship)